”Let me help beings be free so that they can live with peaceful and loving hearts amidst it all.” The Buddha
I know I have written a fair amount about my affinity for Zen and countless aspects of Buddhism in general. Listen, it is my thing and I hope I have never given the impression that I am selling anything, because I am not. It is essentially none of my business what floats your spiritual boat. My mission is my connection to that world and attempting to share it with you, nothing more.
Now, why the hell have I bothered with the above paragraph? Well, I am gonna tell you. I have been sitting on my cushion, legs crossed, back as straight as I can get it, with half-open eyes gazing at my altar. I was given the small table by a former priest at Zenshuji Temple in Hanapepe. At the time I was looking to move to Hawaii a little over 20 years ago, the presence of a Zen temple mattered to me. By that time, I was heavily invested in what is called the practice, spending plenty of time at it when I moved to Santa Fe, NM in ’87 from NYC.
I don’t want to get too deep into all that shit, because it is not the story I want to share right now. A couple of mornings ago, I was comfortably ensconced in my Zen sit and the idea for this story slid into my consciousness. Sitting the way I do is like calling a time out, putting my entire world on hold for a little while. During my 25 minutes on the cushion, I am completely safe and it births a kind of wonderful peace.
I could care less about all the rules that surround a Zen practice. There isn’t a right way or wrong way to go about this discipline, in spite of the countless books and talks slapping a blue print in your face. I can guarantee you that 2,500 years ago, the Buddha was a study in fluidity, touching one person at a time. Those who followed, felt the need to codify his talks.
I don’t know about you, but I spend a fair amount of time worrying about what may or may not happen. Imagine being able to call a time out?
Now, I am calling a time out. I was within inches of trashing this story, because I didn’t like it. Keep in mind, a few days have passed since I began. The truth is, the more you want out of life, the more you have to put in. Doing nothing is effortless and that is miles away from what I want to share. I didn’t like where the story was going. Plus, the idea of sitting is not a pill that can cure what ails you.
I have been working my ass off for years. Recently, I was asked if my meditation has helped me and I didn’t know how to answer. The general assumption is that people who meditate achieve a state of nirvana, able to cruise above the fray. I am not a monk with a shaved head, living a monastic life in a temple somewhere in India. I really thought about it and not having an answer that worked for me. The better question for me is what would I be like if I didn’t meditate?
It is impossible to sit quietly and lose track of the never ending flood of thoughts. What does happen is that these thoughts run out of gas, replaced by the next one that seamlessly slides into the next one and so on. When you don’t move, you’re kind of stuck in a kind of quick sand, burying one thought after another. You become the best witness to your internal, mental travels.
When you can’t move, you can’t escape. All energy has a life span of its own and it can get tired if you just let it alone. Being busy is the best way to bury our thoughts and feelings and they can live forever that way.
Sitting quietly takes you inside yourself, whether you like it or not. I know I wouldn’t be doing all this writing without my cushion time. Everything comes from inside and begins taking shape when you let it come into the light of introspection, which is not the same as understanding. You can have a feeling and not really know why, which is a kind of bonus. Sure, understanding why you feel the way you do is priceless, but feelings are the seeds of life and they dictate your path, even in the absence of awareness.
We are all being put to the test these days. Sometimes, it feels like we are being devoured by forces beyond our control, a macro attack on our freedom. To me, it is why those quiet moments are even more important now. No, it does not change the facts, but it can alter your emotional perspective. If you hold your breath under water, you won’t drown. It is quite the opposite on land. Here, the circle of the breath can draw us in, closer to the cycle of life, endless beginnings and endings. Thoughts can bury us, while feelings can be a light in the darkness.
You can’t think about compassion, you have to feel it or it simply remains a lovely concept. You will never guess who it begins with? OK, you just did.
You got 25 minutes?
LISTEN TO IT HERE:
https://www.buzzsprout.com/admin/1292459/episodes/18349340-25