“The gains from the explosion of technology are immeasurable from a social and informational perspective, but we have sacrificed our privacy to the cold machine at the same time and maybe lost some warmth along the way.”

Larry Feinstein, November 1, 2014

The above quote is from yours truly. It was the very first blog post I put up on my new site, mindandthemotorcycle.com. It was called, “Loneliness and the Technology Placebo’, which I thought was a pretty cool title for my maiden, word voyage. It seemed appropriate, considering I was using technology to make my point. Around a year earlier, Edward Snowden blew the whistle on how government was spying on all of us, made so much easier, because of our techno foot prints.

In 2014, Barack Obama was serving in his second term as President. ISIS was first becoming viewed as a threat to world peace. Russia annexed Crimea in Ukraine, a precursor of what was to come. The tension between Palestine and Israel was simmering, the way it has been since the creation of the Israeli state over fifty years before that. The Ebola virus was making itself felt in Africa, a handful years before Covid 19 held the world captive for several years. Our current president was making his moves on the national scene, questioning Obama’s birthright. Fake news became a propaganda tool of the Right, opening the floodgates to the manipulation and discrediting of any information differing from their views.

I was eleven years younger back then and the truth of my mortality was finding some willing co-conspirators, quietly living in my psyche. Just like the memoir to my grandson, Halloween in Portland, this need to write owes its roots to my trying to explain myself to him and to myself.

Trust me, I had no idea I’d be sitting here, trying to provide some context for the first story I wrote eleven years ago. This is my 500th story and It is a huge accomplishment for me, considering how long it actually took me to take this leap of faith into my private world. I have always been talking to myself, reciting silent stories and never moving my lips. I became my own ventriloquist, transcribing my voice to the page. I was seriously motivated by my longevity and the idea of leaving with no trace of my having been here.

To me, the ultimate test of my seriousness about this new undertaking was going to be the second time I sat down to write my memoir. Honestly, I had no idea if I would when I first started. Ever since I was a young guy, writing inter-office memos, I was told I should write a book. Words came easy to me, but I never thought anyone would give a shit about what I had to say. All these years later, that feeling hasn’t changed, but it hasn’t stopped me from trying.

I was having a conversation with my son recently and he innocently accused me of being retired. It comes from the conventional definition of now longer having a real job. I told him I will never be retired, because I will always be a writer, until my mind becomes a watery omelette and I can no longer remember why doing this is so important to me. Mental gymnastics are required to do this thing and I am certain it keeps my mind on its toes, so to speak. When I am too old to write, I will be too old to live, the ultimate retirement.

I gotta tell you, I never imagined things being as screwed up as they are now. I always figured the law was sacrosanct  and impossible to ignore. There is a reason why there are rules for all the games we play, otherwise, chaos wins the day. Monarchies and dictatorships are the disheveled offspring of a human game where only they win. For as long as I can remember, the Right was always outraged by the actions of the Left. Their constant attacks were a calculated strategy to make them the truth sayers. The Left was too enlightened to engage in this kind of below the belt, street warfare, a big mistake. Of course, the Right never questioned their own overreach, having built up an electronic fortress, spewing forth unsubstantiated lies about the opposition, sprinkled with a dose of paranoia. They played their game plan beautifully and here we are now, fighting for the life of this country and its place in a changing world. 

Recently, I found myself actually doing research for my stories. In the beginning, it was my opinions that mattered to me and they are what I chose to share. I wasn’t concerned about being right or wrong, just about being as honest as I could. I enjoyed sharing my beliefs about all sorts of things and kept it that way for years. It was all just a continuation of the confessional approach from the memoir. I never felt like some lionized exaggeration of myself, always making sure to share my humility regarding this privilege of being here. Sure, when things happened, I responded through my stories, but it was always about my feelings. There was nothing to prove and there still isn’t.

I don’t know how I stumbled across this great article. Like I said, I now find myself digging around for material to bolster my stories. It was about a book entitled, “Report from Iron Mountain”, a completely fictionalized work. It was published in 1967. The author, Richard Lewin, claimed to have received a classified report about some top secret activities that were so incendiary, the government buried the details. 

Some of the greatest minds of the time, gathered in this secret, underground facility in upper Manhattan. Their overriding concern was what the country should do if a permanent peace broke out. “ Without wars and war-footing industries, the U.S. economy would be upended.” They concluded that the citizenry would have to be managed by creating artificial threats, like an alien threat from space. It was a mimicry of a lot of the exaggerated, Cold War fear going around at the time, as evidenced by movies like “Failsafe” and “Dr Strangelove”.

Even though the story was a hoax, it ain’t crazy. The distrust in government is a seed planted a long time ago. Revolutions have been fought because of it. Tragically, it got this president elected, too. The truth is this government of ours is incredibly inefficient, but it is not the people. The rules are so cumbersome, between  federal, state and local, it is clusterfuck trifecta. It is nearly impossible to get anything done. 

It is so much easier to blame a problem on someone than it is to fix it. In the interest of being fair to everyone imaginable, we have crippled the system and that is what needs attention. Fewer people even makes it more difficult to navigate this morass of moronic regulations. We have a person in charge whose sole interest is in the limelight. Firing thousands of government workers is far more theatrical than putting someone in charge of making government work better for all of us. This overstuffed, orange inflatable is hoarding the cake, while we get the damn crumbs. America is not a business and DJT doesn’t own it, we do.

You see what I mean. I simply can’t write about my 500th story, without giving it context. I had no grand design when I started this whole thing and I still don’t. All I’ve ever wanted to do is tell my story and to be as truthful as possible. I guess that is what makes it impossible to ignore how I feel about what is going on today. Just like in Report From Iron Mountain, there always has to be an enemy to keep us distracted from what is actually happening. There are demons on the Left and the Right and we, the people, are stuck in the middle, without a flashlight, looking for our voice to be heard.

At this point in my life, I try to see my own bullshit for what it is. I am not looking for any answers, just dancing with the questions. Like all of you, I look around at what is going on and it sickens me. It is completely at odds with what I have come to value in my own life. I am trying hard to adjust to my years and there is an analogy to be made with America’s place in the world. Holding on to our throne in an ever changing world, reminds me of the comb over, trying to camouflage the years. We are not as dominant as we’d like to think we are and this comb over President is trying to stop the clock and roll it back and it won’t work. America needs to reinvent itself and not resurrect what has passed. 

We are better than this. We have to be better than this. 

Thank you for reading my 500th story.

LISTEN TO IT HERE:

https://www.buzzsprout.com/admin/1292459/episodes/16955028-500