“Dear Shane
I don’t think you are at all surprised that I have decided to write you a letter on the occasion of your 13th birthday. Recently, we have been talking about writing, both yours and mine. I confess to waiting for that time when we could begin communicating about things like that. The last time we got together, I remember suddenly feeling we were entering a brand new space, allowing us to start sharing in a whole new way. Rather than describe it, I know it is something we both felt and it is better to leave it between us in the quiet of deep connection.
This occasion is a milestone for both of us, but this is totally your dance. Until recently, I was thinking that because I was most every age of others in my life, I could claim some prior knowledge, some ubiquitous sensibility. I discovered I was wrong, because nothing stays the same. Where I was, could never be where you are. In other words, I am not about to write I know how it feels for you to be who you are or where you are, etc.
You already know I began this whole writing thing because of you and I am still trying. There is nothing better than feeling the desire to express yourself and finding the ability to do so. I don’t know if these things are pre-ordained, something we are born with or something that grows within us. I know for sure you’ve got a place within you, where that light shines.
I am clearly the worst person to talk about the merits of the Bar Mitzvah. I have more respect for the religion than that. Needless to say, you will follow your own spiritual path. When I had mine, it was such a completely different circumstance. Honestly, I can’t feel any merit in going backwards to my time and finding linkage to where you are at. You are inhabiting a very different world than mine. I remember one of the most annoying things I heard too often was, “You know, when I was your age………..”
What I can talk about is being my age and the view from there. When you were born, I had been living on Kauai for around five years and I was 63. Before I got a chance to see you, your parents sent a photograph of you, placed in a small sterling silver frame. I know I have told you the story about my Rocky, the small marble statue I found, sitting on the concrete pedestal that originally supported the sculpture of Rocky for one his films, at the top of the Philadelphia Art Museum steps.
We met around forty years ago, when I was on a business trip to Phila. Right around then, I ran in the NYC Marathon and while that is a whole other story, suffice it to say I was a dedicated runner. You and your Dad even ran up those steps. It is just something every visiting runner must do. I was going through a bunch of deeply personal stuff at the time and there was something about finding Rocky the way I did that felt like a wonderful, otherworldly affirmation.
For just about 13 years, your photograph and Rocky have been inseparable. When I found him, the way I did, when I did, instantly placed him in one of those places for which there are no words, kind of what I mentioned above. Putting you two together is a perfect pairing to me, a simple reflex on my part, because of what he has always meant to me and what you mean to me, since the day of your birth.
I never really thought about being a grandfather, even when your parents got married. They had a unique bond, obvious to me since I first met your mother. I was already living in Santa Fe, NM when they got together and I’d always come back to see them and visit my mother, your great grandmother, again, a story for another time. I even took your parents camping on their trip to Santa Fe, something they really had never done before. Personally, I was just happy your Dad had found someone as special as your Mom and never took it any further.
Of course, once you were born, my mind and heart were captured. I am not exactly sure when thoughts of my longevity began to criss-cross with your presence. When i was your age, my grandparents were long gone and my father had passed away when I was 9. I was secretly hoping I’d be around in your life, defying the odds of my own experience. My insurance policy became my writing, my motivation was love and it still is. I’ll be damned, here I am and here you are.
You are now a teenager, Oh my God. It is funny how your thoughts and ideas will become more important to you as you get older. Hopefully, you will grow into this ever-expanding world with a sense of grace. As you get older, the roles will begin to blend a bit more and sometimes, we even trade places. It is kind of what I was feeling when I saw you last time. Children need to have bumpers, to keep from getting bruised by some stuff they are simply too young to navigate. Slowly, ever so slowly, the world begins to become clearer and that is part of the symbology behind the ceremony you will experience.
You’re gonna tiptoe around this grown up thing for quite a while. This is just the beginning. This is like the true beginning of thinking about what kind of world you want to be living in. I gotta tell you a secret about growing up, you never do. The reason why is actually quite simple. We live in a world of constant change, something time will teach you, if it hasn’t begun already. We keep changing and the destination is a mirage of the moment. I know for certain you are in the process of getting your ticket punched for the journey that is ahead for you. It is a fabulous adventure and you are so fortunate to be surrounded by so much love as you begin yours.
Now, you have been thinking to yourself, since before the first word in the first sentence of this letter, what the f__k is a $100 bill doing here? Well, you’re in luck, because I am going to take you there, right now. I want you to take your Mom and Dad out for breakfast, or lunch or dinner, because the meal doesn’t matter. This will be the first time you can say to your parents, “I want both of you to know how much I appreciate all you have done for me and I want to take you out to show my appreciation.”
This may sound a little weird to you and it should. Throughout your life, you are going to find yourself in brand new situations every day and this is just the beginning. It is part of growing up, that thing you will be doing your entire life.
The best part of this is there is nothing you have to do. All you have to do is be Shane.”
Love Always
Grandpa Larry