“If you’re really a mean person you’re going to come back as a fly and eat poop.” Kurt Cobain
Man, this is a good one. Truthfully, I don’t have the slightest idea why this popped into my head. OK, that is not really true. For reasons I cannot explain, I seem to always end up writing about mostly non-experiential stuff. I know social media is meant to be the opposite.
Frankly, I can’t imagine anyone giving a shit about what I just did and/or who I did it with. If you promise not to tell anyone, my life is pretty fucken boring in that regard. For better or worse, I have become increasingly attracted to simplicity, while ripening on the vine. I know for certain, living in a desert of distraction, has afforded me the opportunity to think about all sorts of nonsense, like whether there is a Grand Puppeteer, or the absence of even a single string, tying us to our past and/or our future.
Of course, I am probably the only idiot telling a story and revealing the end at the beginning. Honestly, if I knew the answer to the question about the true nature of our lives, I would be a religion, followed by millions, bowing at my feet, an unbelievably insane thought, considering I am clueless. I would even have to get a pedicure.
When I think about my life, I often wonder if I have been incredibly fortunate or if it was preordained. Is it simply the parched concept of genetics or is there some kind progression until we get it right, life after life?
Right up front, I confess to believing in magic and mystery, always have, always will. Many years ago, I left NYC for Santa Fe, NM, believing life is meant to be a journey. I committed myself to living as many professional lives as I could. Between us, I did it and then some. I was fearless, even when my bank account registered a big fat goose egg more than once. I never invested a second in wondering whether the puppeteer was yanking my strings or if I was lucky to never skid on the black ice and get crushed by circumstance.
One of my many adventures was being involved with a book publishing business. We published a book by the best Ayurvedic practitioner in the country at that time, Vasant Lad. I scheduled a session with him, which was fascinating. He looked at my tongue and took my pulse on each arm. After a very brief pause, he told me I had a good deal of Qi, life force. He also told me my heart needed healing.
This is part of the story, because it deals with the invisible. Our lives are this strange amalgam of art and science. I know we are more than we think we are. I certainly believe in a power far greater than myself. Fabulous coincidences are not accidents. Whether we have earned them or not, is light years from my job description.
I just invented the Three C’s. Is it all chaos? Maybe, it is coincidence. Then, we can take it one step further and believe it is all calculated by a power far greater than ourselves. In that same vein, I have never believed in not believing everything is possible. Who the fuck am I to cast doubt on astrology, human design, tarot, clairvoyance and/or palm reading?
Years ago, while living in NYC, in the broadcast advertising business, there was a lady at the last company I worked at, who was a serious student of astrology. After giving her some basic info, she did my chart. She told me some incredible things, none of which shocked me, because I kind of knew it anyway.
When I visited Dr. Lad, I was not surprised by what he shared either. I know I’ve got the juice, something I knew a very long time ago, as a kid. After all these years, it has come to feel like an obligation I have to share my insides with the outside. I am not sure I have ever told anybody this before now. I am certain I am a lucky motherfucker and it is a secret I have kept close to my heart.
I was drawn to the Zen discipline in my forties, having fiddled with it before, because it made sense to me. I have never, ever considered it a religion, something I have zero patience for. It is a way of looking at the world that resonates for me and that’s all.
Years ago, I read a book called Zen Mind, Beginners Mind by Shunryu Suzuki. It was stuff I never thought about until then. I was drawn to the concept of Big Mind, a way of looking at ourselves within our world and instinctively knowing there is more to our lives than we think. In our life long quest for answers, there really aren’t any. The world is complex, it simply isn’t possible to explain. Thank God. You can bet your ass, we will keep trying to understand how the fucken rabbit comes out of the top hat.
I don’t know how long ago I read when people die, their weight drops by a minuscule amount. What is that? At birth, we are inhabited by an energy that comes from a place beyond our ability to understand, like it has been there, waiting for us to take our very first breath.
So, the question posed in the title really doesn’t have a definitive answer. Why did I think about it in the first place? The answer is very simple. I am hoping some of you take the time to think about it, too.
Blessings.