I have written fairly often about being older than most of you, but never as a complaint and I am not about to begin now. You know, when a teen says to his or her parents, “You just don’t understand!”, it better not be true, at least for the sake of the teenager. Obviously, I can only speak from my experience and I have been most every age. It is no stroke of genius to say your perspective continually changes as you get older. I don’t want to get one word further and not say that I speak from a place of outstanding imperfection. I never liked anyone older than I am speaking to me from a place of understanding and authority. Surprise! It doesn’t work worth a shit.
So, when I say I am tired, it doesn’t come from a place of chronologically induced exhaustion, nor does it come from the throne of wisdom, one of my least favorite words. I have just been around. I was born in 1945, a number that always feels strange when I am asked to recite my birthday, in order to purchase a bottle of inexpensive wine, a relatively frequent occurrence, thank God.
For decades, I was certain I would gradually become more knowledgeable about most everything, because grown ups are supposed to be like that. I was so accustomed to my ideas being devalued due to my age. “Wait till you grow up and you will understand!” Well, folks, here I am and I can tell you with complete certainty, I have no idea what the hell is going on, no matter where I look. Frankly, at this very moment, I am exhausted, confused and terribly concerned. I wonder what Mr. Rogers would say, after changing his shoes and putting on his cardigan, looking straight at the camera to share the day’s message. “Hello boys and girls, today we are going to talk about the global shit show you will all be inheriting on the day you get your driver’s license.”
I have begun writing this story on Friday afternoon, October 2nd and I will finish it off on Sunday, the 4th, before I head out on Flaming Lips, my loyal cycle. I don’t like writing a bunch of stuff in the beginning and then feeling I have to delete it for one reason or another. Of course, it should also be the biggest problem I have in my life!
Today, Donald Trump tested positive for the Corona Virus and was airlifted to Walter Reed Army Hospital. Listen, I can’t think of anything at all I have to say about this man that is remotely positive. I think he is an awful human being, who would likely be institutionalized if he didn’t have any money. He is without question, the worst thing that has ever happened to this country since I was born. However, I do not want him to die, because I don’t want anyone to die. No, I don’t believe in the tooth fairy, but if we have ever had a single, inescapable flaw as humans, it is thinking that killing anyone or wishing them dead is a positive outcome for any situation, period, end of story.
I do believe in poetry and life’s poetry, in particular. I think about the enormous tragedy of HIV AIDS and all those beautiful people, who succumbed to its insatiable appetite for extinguishing the lives of so many. For years, it was ignored, because its victims lived on the outskirts of acceptability, but it was never denied as a vicious killer.
Covid 19 is a mean, shape shifting killer and that is the goddamn science. I have no idea what the world was like during the Spanish Flu of 1918, but its mortality numbers put ours to shame. Jesus, penicillin hadn’t even been discovered yet. The advances in science since that time are staggering. When I was in college in the mid-Sixties, science was hot shit, people! It was about the search for truth. Over time, sadly, it has become somewhat discredited, because of money. The tobacco and oil companies paid scientists to lie about what they knew and while it doesn’t surprise me, it saddens me. Today, the facts of science often getting massaged by the politics of expediency.
Money has grabbed America’s highest principles by the throat and shaken them unmercifully. Here we are, faced with a deadly contagion and it has been politicized, degenerating into a mindless debate about our freedom. The man, who has championed the cause of blind loyalty and the absolute denial of truth, has been tackled at the knees, long before the end zone of responsibility.
Up here, from my so called vantage point of time, I understand that death is inevitable and life is more fragile than the next breath. Yes, I am tired. As if on cue, I swear the late Jeff Buckley just began singing Hallelujah and I am stopped, eyes filled with tears………………………………
I will pick this up tomorrow.
Thank you for waiting. It is Saturday afternoon and I have spent nearly a day thinking about what’s next. I started this yesterday, thinking about how time has brought changes to my life, having no idea what they would be. You know, the longer you are around, the more mistakes you make. We are educated by the screw ups that are inevitable in all our lives. If we choose to pay attention, we can pick up patterns, which doesn’t mean we are miraculously elucidated by our missteps. It’s about self forgiveness and compassion and when we can master it in ourselves, we can find the space to do it with others.
I guess one of the most tiring things to continually witness is the knee jerk reaction to always look outside ourselves. Our circumstances are always someone else’s fault. Now, it seems about the other and never us. No one takes responsibility. Everyone is victim. The lame ass conspiracy theories are the best example. The inescapable truth is it is our responsibility, yours and mine.
I’ve already got the gray hair and an overdose of longevity. All I need are some robes and a mountaintop. I would tell my make believe flock to look at what we have in common with each other. For reasons that escape me, we have always focused on our differences and it has been our undoing since the days of our knuckle dragging, not so distant relatives.
I have recently become a recipient of statistical analyses from the Pew Research Center. I have used them once before and we likely be using them again. Did you know that 63% of us believe the government should have the responsibility to provide health coverage for all? I want to tell you just one other thing from them. 69% of Americans think it is very important for the United States to be a world leader in scientific achievements.
The above paragraph is not intended to be some detour in my story, not even close. For the 100th time, I am tired of our refusal to truly listen to each other. So many of us avoid our feelings and when the outside gets too close, we strike out at the other, rather than embrace ourselves. You and I, we are not so different from each other.
I guess because I am dangerously compulsive, I have been sending out my stories on Sunday morning, before my motorcycle ride. Although, I could easily send it now, I want to wait until the last minute, in deference to the health of our President…………………..
OK, it is Sunday morning and he is still here, so we are good to go.
One last thing, I now have a podcast, called Mind and the Motorcycle and all the platforms carry it. Now, I get to talk to you and aren’t you the lucky ones? Thanks.