I was just thinking.
You know, I figure I could begin everything I have ever written with that sentence. Now, it is not a worried kind of thinking that has your stomach churning, nor is it oft repeated obsessive, brain lock, precluding anything else from intruding. It could be my Gemini thing of two halves engaged in a constant, but muted dialogue. These days, I find myself with huge swaths of time and nothing terribly pressing that needs tending. As far back as I can remember, I have always been talking to myself or with myself, not quite sure how to say it.
For a thinker like me, the idea of being in the moment, has always felt kind of fascinating, one of the reasons I have been drawn to Zen. Mindfulness is another of the buzz words that has been over written about and over explained. Then, there is the idea of awareness, having a comfortable grasp on where you are at. For the goal oriented, being in a continuous state of mindfulness and/or awareness is nothing short of the veritable bliss of being.
Of course, I have thought about all of the above, sometimes on my cushion each morning or mostly whenever I look out a window to see what’s going on inside. Now, if I were Oprah, what I am about to share would make headlines, likely bumping Elizabeth Hurley’s latest, “age-defying” bikini photo a few rungs down on the ladder of information we can’t live without.
I don’t think there is any such thing as being in the moment or in the now, pretending to be an intellectual hipster of the highest order. It is an illusion of convenience, providing an anchor for us all, lest we be set adrift in a sea of confusion. I have just changed the world as we know it, but I’ll bet you’re fine. Well, of course you are, because I haven’t made my case just yet.
I want to talk about the gap, an infinitely, tiny amount of time. The precise moment we sense anything, I don’t care if it’s looking at the sky, hearing your name called or feeling a flame on your palm, the mind reacts to it and there is a space between. I believe we have a past and a future, but good luck defining the true meaning of this exact moment. When we meet someone for the first time, we have decided whether we are going to like them or not, the moment they register with our senses, which ever ones are involved. So, by the time we actually think about anything or anyone, it is already done, the concrete of thought has dried.
I read a real interesting book, called Blink, written by Malcolm Gladwell. He put words to this idea, which made perfect sense to me at the time. While I didn’t invent the word, I love to call this state of being, preconscious. It’s like all of us live in this same world, a time lapse of awareness. The deed is done and we only find out about it after, in an instant.
Within the last week, I was just thinking about this and I don’t know what the hell brought it to mind. I know I did think about how often I used words, like “living in the moment”. Each morning, I get an email from Tricycle, a Buddhist magazine and this concept frequently pops up and kind of fits comfortably into the groove of accomplished knowing. I do confess to having a modest preoccupation with matters like this, because it’s my nature. What can I tell you?
In a way, we have no control over this phenomenon of being, because that’s just the way it is. It was just a few days ago when I had my Oprah moment. I know the past is behind each of us and our perceptions of it continually change. However, the future is cleaner than clean.
So, I say to hell with the moment and here’s to the future, a place where we have choice. Instead of trying to catch up with ourselves, we can get a jump on the world, before it has a chance to have its way with us.
Thinking about tomorrow is a simple way of looking at this reality. Who would you like to be when you wake up? Every one of us has a choice.