“The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift.” Albert Einstein
Einstein, the scientist, is way beyond my ability to comprehend. However, Einstein the human being is a two legged, bad-hair angel. His is a kind of brilliance that rivals the stars. The subjects of my stories don’t matter when it comes to finding something, searingly insightful from him. He does hit the nail on the head when it comes to this particular subject of mine.
It’s funny, every time I finish a story, I don’t have the slightest idea where the next one will come from. I am always positive I have nothing left to say. This is especially true now that I am on verge of 550 of these little puppies…………………………………………
A funny thing happened on my way to the page last Sunday morning.
Usually, computers do not have minds of their own, at least that has been my experience until now. I wrote a couple of really juicy paragraphs with some attention-getting word pairings. They somehow evaporated between their writing and last Sunday. It stopped me dead in my tracks. I proceeded to spend a good deal of time staring off into space, cold cocked by Baby Hal. I began thinking about how I could rewrite that beginning and realized I no longer agreed with myself.
The basic premise of the story was about the mind and the heart, thought versus feeling. I was going to go with the heart being the dominant force. I was really positive about it, dangerously close to self-righteous.
I even committed the cardinal sin of commandeering the Einstein quote, thinking he gave more creds to the intuitive mind over the rational mind. He was simply observing that feelings are often shoe horned into the back seat, while the mind takes the wheel. However, he did not award primacy to one over the other. I was going to make his quote fit my story line. Can you imagine doing that to Big Al?
In the midst of this self-manufactured shit storm, the story became clear and am going tell it right now. This is kind of my version of a Seinfeld plot, writing about something incredibly inconsequential. I am certainly guilty of getting sucked into some very heavy shit and slapping it on the page. I am not talking about my whole anxiety saga, which was and is extremely important to me. I know I tried to share all that with you, too. This one is about me having a conversation with myself and allowing you to eves drop.
My miscalculation was not distinguishing between the subconscious and the conscious. I was thinking that feelings operate in the shadows of our mind, unaware of them, while they wreck our thoughts, making us victims of our heart secrets. Things get really screwed up when we become aware of them. Awareness is a function of mind and by its definition involves thinking about them, giving them voice in the black cave of secret feelings.
Shrinks have been making a good fifty-minute income, shining a light into those protected feelings, each one a life changing revelation. I am not sure how you distinguish between mind thoughts and heart thoughts. Awareness is the best word I can think of, one that doesn’t discriminate between the origin of one over the other. They are siamese twins that make us whole if we freely embrace both.
Feelings are amoral and illogical, while thoughts are the polar opposite. They do a life dance with the lead changing hands when we’re not paying attention. One of the major movers in the world of AI is now claiming the singularity is upon us. It fits snugly into this story, with this automaton now besting our minds. A machine can replicate thoughts, but not those preconscious feelings of ours and that is its poorly articulated down side. We are affected by feelings we are not even aware of, so what do we expect from a machine that regurgitates only the facts of our history?
Darwin focused on the evolution of the mind, awarding us supremacy over all other sentient beings. Oh, how wonderful that would be if it was true. Science, a byproduct of our minds, is fast dispelling the idea that we are alone in our ability to communicate on a higher level than even bees. It simply isn’t true. It is mind refusing to learn the intricate systems that all living entities possess. We do not dominate our world, we share it and don’t seem to be bright enough to embrace that immutable truth. We are looking down from the top of the ladder. Not only that, we make mistakes, part of our fallibility, our best education. AI is not a smarter version of who we are, it is a perversion of convenience. We are paying for our vanity and there is no end in sight.
We live in two worlds at the same time, inside and outside. Feelings, particularly the darker ones, are held deep inside. These end up being the primal vectors, operating in secret and invisibly polluting our thoughts. The idea of mindfulness is a waste of time, as long as the shroud of the unconscious blocks our access to the cave, where the most frightening feelings reside.
I can tell when I am running out of story, because I start repeating myself or go off on a tangent. I think and feel I am there, but don’t feel like quitting just yet. I just love doing this and hate to stop, something I suspect you are aware of.
When you see pictures of dead Palestinian children, how do you feel? Those, who are prisoners of their minds, are easily capable of “rationalizing” this kind of obscene brutality. I am not and I can’t.
I have already shared my initial theme was going to be about how feelings are in charge, which I do not believe, thanks to that imposed, technological fuck up. The mind can easily pollute the heart and that is the food of fascism. You can convince people to hate another, shape shifting an oft repeated message, fueling the fires of fear.
I got one more thing before I go. According to the Gun Violence Archive, violent crime has been trending downward. Get this, so far this year, there have been only 270 mass shootings in the US. I don’t give a shit what you think, how does it make you feel?
Some of us fight for the rights of an embryo. Those same people don’t care about how easy it is to procure guns of all types, because it is their right. Allowing our own children to starve is just fine with these people and their “right to life.” I’ll aim and shoot if you disagree. Huh?
How I feel is how I think, at least on a good day. In the case of my monstrous, anxiety attack, it was not one of those good days. An insightful mind acts as a bridle on those, bucking-bronco feelings. I dug my way out, not because my thoughts changed. It was the light shining in my cave of dark feelings and giving them a name. While desperately trying to hold on, I was able to tame those fuckers, saving my life. Oh shit, I just made myself cry and I can’t see the page. Give me a minute here……………………….
I know that talking to you has saved my life and given it back to me. Gratitude doesn’t even begin to touch it. Yes, still crying.
I love you. I’m feeling it and thinking it, the ultimate, human synchronicity, the coalescing of the mind and the heart, the true singularity.
LISTEN TO IT HERE:
https://www.buzzsprout.com/admin/1292459/episodes/19582256-thinking-with-your-heart